My family keeps having these random and uncalled for breakdowns lately. Vinny moved back from college, I’m back until Saturday from school, and Joe is home as always since he is sixteen. Yesterday Joe had a nervous breakdown and started freaking out on Vinny and my dad at the dinner table, making my dad cry and leave the table. About a week ago my dad started screaming and freaking out and throwing things before leaving the house. Tonight, we were all eating dinner, then my dad gets home just being an asshole until my mom leaves the table because she is crying. When she gets back, he continues to bitch about every little thing and she freaks out, screaming and crying. Then her and my dad are arguing downstairs. Ugh. Getting picked up soon by Eric since my car is at the shop. Only five more days at home. I miss Eric already. He is the only thing I can count on lately.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I just don’t like being ‘stuck’ anywhere for too long. And being stuck can be interpreted differently depending on my situation. I hated being at Salisbury because I was ‘stuck’ there for four months, and I hate being home because I am ‘stuck’ here for two months. (Only two weeks left already, how does time fly?) I like knowing there is someplace else I’ll be, since it is almost like a way out for me. I don’t know what this is going to mean once I find a permanent place to live, but maybe I won’t ever be one of those people who finds just one home. Maybe I’ll never be satisfied unless I have a way out.
I spent new years eve with Eric and a group of his friends, and I ended up crying myself to sleep. I hate the holidays, and I hate this weird mood that I’m in. I hate how it keeps coming back stronger and stronger, I feel like I’m drowning in it. happy new year.